This is not real, but it should be real as its fucking hilarious.

Alpen is the first Bitcoin rollup that will make native BTC a productive asset. Excited for their testnet launch! One step closer to mainnet :)

> angry internet mob comes out with pitchforks > most execs: "please forgive us, we'll never draw outside the lines again, I'm soOOoOooOoo sowwwwwyyyy" > coinbase execs:

When Zohran says he wants to end specialized high schools he means that literally. If you want our children to have pathways to excellence I beg you to vote against him. Fuck socialists and wokes. They are evil racists.

Who's the best auction / mechanism designer that wants to kill IPOs? I'd love to talk to them.

Roman picked up the weight for a fun photo, but as I was thinking of a caption I realized he literally has a heavy weight on his shoulders. He's not the only one that has a lot riding on Mondays judgement - we all do. Privacy is normal. Developers aren't criminals. Free @rstormsf

HAVE KIDS! It's not a psyop. It literally is just amazing. Your life will be better. You will be happier and more fulfilled. Your life will have new meaning and you will never regret it. I can't promise it'll be easier, but it's so worth it it's not even close.

Decency, good intentions, open dialogue, and the rule of law DID prevail.

Someone should build a company that designs auctions and technologies to attain participants' desired goals while minimizing adverse consequences such as MEV. Sounds like it will be a really big business. Flashbots

Yesterday Ethereum turned 10. Today, lean Ethereum is unveiled as a vision—and personal mission—for the next 10 years. We stand at the dawn of a new era. Millions of TPS. Quantum adversaries. How does Ethereum marry extreme performance with uncompromising security and decentralization? TLDR: next-generation cryptography is central to winning both offense and defense. Disclaimer: This is a Drake take™ aimed at a broad audience. A technical deep dive into hash-based post-quantum signatures and SNARKs will follow. A healthy diversity of views across Protocol, the EF, and the broader Ethereum community is expected and welcome. It strengthens us. defense—fort mode Ethereum is special. 100% uptime since genesis. Unrivaled client diversity. $130B in economic security (35.7M ETH staked × $3.7K)—maybe soon $1T. Ethereum is poised to become the bedrock of the internet of value, securing hundreds of trillions over decades, even centuries. Ethereum must survive anything: nation states, quantum computers. Whatever comes. Call it fort mode. If the internet is up, Ethereum is up. If the world is online, the world is onchain. offense—beast mode Ethereum is hungry. “Scale L1, scale blobs” is a strategic urgency inside the EF’s Protocol cluster. Expect low-hanging performance gains over the next 6–12 months. Longer term? Think gigagas L1, teragas L2. Call it beast mode. → 1 gigagas/sec on L1: 10K TPS, ambitious vertical scale → 1 teragas/sec on L2: 1M TPS, sprawling horizontal scale Scale vs decentralization? Why not both. The moon math we need is now tamed: → real-time zkVMs for lean execution → data availability sampling (DAS) for lean data A delicious cherry on top: full chain verification across every browser, wallet, phone. lean upgrades Lean Ethereum proposes bold upgrades across all three L1 sublayers: → lean consensus is beacon chain 2.0: hardened for ultimate security and decentralization, plus finality in seconds; formerly branded as “beam chain” → lean data is blobs 2.0: post-quantum blobs, plus granular blob sizing for a calldata-like developer experience → lean execution is EVM 2.0: a minimal, SNARK-friendly instruction set (possibly RISC-V; pronounced “risk five”), boosting performance while preserving EVM compatibility and its network effects The consensus layer (CL), data layer (DL), execution layer (EL) have each been reimagined from first principles. Together, they unlock fort mode and beast mode. The goal: performance abundance under the constraint of non-negotiable continuity, maximum hardness, and refreshing simplicity. lean cryptography Hash-based cryptography is emerging as the ideal foundation for lean Ethereum. It offers a compelling, unified answer to two megatrends reshaping the ecosystem: → the explosive rise of SNARKs → the looming quantum threat Imagine the leanest cryptographic brick—the hash function—singlehandedly powering L1: → CL: hash-based aggregate signatures upgrade BLS signatures → DL: hash-based DAS commitments upgrade KZG commitments → EL: hash-based real-time zkVMs upgrade EVM re-execution A cryptographic jewel in each of lean CL, lean DL, lean EL. lean craft Lean Ethereum is more than a blueprint for hardening and scaling Ethereum. More than just doubling down on security, decentralisation, and cutting-edge cryptography. It is an aesthetic. An art form. A craft. Think Jiro in Dreams of Sushi. When we can go the extra mile, we do. Minimalism. Modularity. Encapsulated complexity. Formal verification. Provable security. Provable optimality. These are subtle yet important technical considerations. Stay tuned for the post on post-quantum cryptography that will make them explicit. lean legacy After 10 fantastic years, lean Ethereum is a generational oath. To keep Ethereum online no matter what. To scale it without compromise. To make it worthy of those who come next. This is about legacy. We are builders, we are missionaries. We are Ethereum. I hope you join us.